Along with a lot of other people, I am a huge fan of Bad Apple, the one Touhou song that you've probably already heard about if you know anything about Touhou at all. And if you don't know anything about Touhou, well, that's what Wikipedia is for. It doesn't really matter for the rest of this post, but it's certainly interesting in its own right.
Needless to say, given the popularity of this song (sure, it's no Gangnam Style, but three million views is still a lot), numerous different translations have been made. There's a good example of that if you look at the full version of the song; the subtitles there are noticeably different in places, aren't they?
As it stands, I prefer listening to the full version of the song, but I tend not to notice the translations, because oddly enough there was actually a point to me spending years studying Japanese. I have no real interest in throwing my hat into this particular ring - to be fair, the prior existence of other translations hasn't necessarily stopped me before, but I simply don't have the interest in trying to translate Bad Apple. Not when I can understand it myself and can point other people that need the translations to the already-existing ones.
But, as long as I'm thinking about it I might as well share my opinion of the existing translations. And on that note, there's one more "translation" of the song that I'd like to take a moment to highlight: the semi-official (mostly by virtue of Internet acclaim) English version of the song, sung by Cristina Vee.
It's a very different translation when compared to the other options. I mean, it's clear (or at least it should be) that the dry questions "Is there a future for someone like this? / Do I belong in this world?" creates a very different effect when compared to "Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? / Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?"
This does set up one question, though: which translation is "better"?
The answer is complicated and definitely depends on what the translation is intended for. There's a great deal to be said for the value of being as literal as possible; there are several points in the English version that just have no analogue in the original song, and adding details that didn't exist in the original seems to defeat the purpose of translating that song. At the same time, while the more literal translation works as a subtitle displayed on-screen to help people who don't speak Japanese, trying to communicate it verbally causes it to lose a great deal. I've tried to essentially "read" some of the translations I've created for songs, but that always seems entirely insufficient and indeed very awkward.
In short, I think the former option is the superior choice for a subtitle, but the latter is preferable if you're reading or singing out loud in time with the music. Attempting to read the former out loud highlights its total lack of the poetic or metrical elements of song lyrics, while simply printing the latter as text on a screen makes the differences between it and the source text obvious.
If there's a broader take-away point, try this: it's important, when translating, to have a clear idea of what you're trying to accomplish and how your translation will be conveyed to others. Failing to do so means you lose that much more in translation, and we usually lose entirely too much as it is.
Showing posts with label songs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label songs. Show all posts
2013-02-17
2012-08-18
Chained Girl Lyrics Translation
鎖の少女歌詞英訳
The notes for this translation are here. Please direct any comments about this translation to that page's comment field.
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Chained Girl
鎖の少女
Lyrics/Composition/Arrangement: Noboru ↑
作詞・作曲・編曲：のぼる↑
Vocal: Miku Hatsune
歌：初音ミク
Chorus: Luka Megurine, Gumi
コーラス：巡音ルカ・GUMI
Lyrics:
もう何もかも嫌になる前に
ホントノ愛ヲクダサ…
Before I come to hate everything,
give me your honest love...
今日は少し下がった 破り捨てたい評価
期待を超えられず 傷が増えてく
I back off slightly today, a test I want to toss aside,
unable to surpass your expectations, my wounds multiply.
振り向けば捨ててきた 友達とか夢とか
自由を奪われて生きるどうして…？
Behind me, the discarded friends and dreams,
my freedom stolen away, why do I live...?
ココロを鎖で縛られた あやつり人形
わたしはアナタの装飾品
もっと輝ケリクルケリクルケ
My heart bound with chains, a doll under your control.
I am your jewel,
here to shine more brightly...
誰ノ偽ニ生きているのでしょうか
”ジブン”と言えないままで
もう何もかも嫌になる前に
ホントノ愛ヲクダサイ
For whose sake am I living,
still unable to say "myself"?
Before I come to hate everything,
give me your honest love...
希望とか指先で 砂に書いても消える
笑顔の子供たち 遠くに見えた
Even if I write "hope" in the sand with my finger, it vanishes...
I watch the smiling children from afar.
歩むべき人生 を決められた 束縛人形
アナタはわたしの操り師
ずっと見えない鎖 で動かすの
With the path I am to walk already decided, I am a bound doll.
You are my devil,
setting me in motion with your invisible threads...
こんな作られた物語ならば
全てを塗りつぶしたい
夜中に抜け出すことみたいに
逆らう勇気が欲しい
If this entire story is created for me,
I want to repaint it all.
As if to break out of this dark night,
I want the courage to defy you.
街行く人の影追いかけ 留まるカケラ一人
このカラダ 意思の無いままに生きてきた
Chasing the shadow of those out in town, restrained to this fragment of a person,
this body lived on without a will of its own...
嘘だらけの言葉で 惑わすのはもうやめて
あなたの言いなりなんか もうやめる
わたしのこのココロは お金じゃきっと買えない
世界で一つだけの…大切なモノ
Don't deceive me anymore, with your words filled with lies.
Don't make me do everything you say anymore.
This heart of mine surely can't be bought with money,
it is the one and only precious thing in this world...
誰のために生きているのでしょうか
コタエは目の前にある
わたしの未来を奪うなんて
そんなの許さないから
For whose sake am I living...?
The answer is before my eyes.
To steal away my future,
that is something I will not forgive.
もう何もかも嫌になる前に
Before I come to hate everything,
鎖の鍵を解いて
release these chains...
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Chained Girl
鎖の少女
Lyrics/Composition/Arrangement: Noboru ↑
作詞・作曲・編曲：のぼる↑
Vocal: Miku Hatsune
歌：初音ミク
Chorus: Luka Megurine, Gumi
コーラス：巡音ルカ・GUMI
Lyrics:
もう何もかも嫌になる前に
ホントノ愛ヲクダサ…
Before I come to hate everything,
give me your honest love...
今日は少し下がった 破り捨てたい
期待を超えられず 傷が増えてく
I back off slightly today, a test I want to toss aside,
unable to surpass your expectations, my wounds multiply.
振り向けば捨ててきた 友達とか夢とか
自由を奪われて生きるどうして…？
Behind me, the discarded friends and dreams,
my freedom stolen away, why do I live...?
ココロを鎖で縛られた あやつり人形
わたしはアナタの
もっと輝ケリクルケリクルケ
My heart bound with chains, a doll under your control.
I am your jewel,
here to shine more brightly...
誰ノ偽ニ生きているのでしょうか
”ジブン”と言えないままで
もう何もかも嫌になる前に
ホントノ愛ヲクダサイ
For whose sake am I living,
still unable to say "myself"?
Before I come to hate everything,
give me your honest love...
希望とか指先で 砂に書いても消える
笑顔の子供たち 遠くに見えた
Even if I write "hope" in the sand with my finger, it vanishes...
I watch the smiling children from afar.
歩むべき
アナタはわたしの
ずっと見えない
With the path I am to walk already decided, I am a bound doll.
You are my devil,
setting me in motion with your invisible threads...
こんな作られた物語ならば
全てを塗りつぶしたい
夜中に抜け出すことみたいに
逆らう勇気が欲しい
If this entire story is created for me,
I want to repaint it all.
As if to break out of this dark night,
I want the courage to defy you.
街行く人の影追いかけ 留まるカケラ一人
このカラダ 意思の無いままに生きてきた
Chasing the shadow of those out in town, restrained to this fragment of a person,
this body lived on without a will of its own...
嘘だらけの言葉で 惑わすのはもうやめて
あなたの言いなりなんか もうやめる
わたしのこのココロは お金じゃきっと買えない
世界で一つだけの…大切なモノ
Don't deceive me anymore, with your words filled with lies.
Don't make me do everything you say anymore.
This heart of mine surely can't be bought with money,
it is the one and only precious thing in this world...
誰のために生きているのでしょうか
コタエは目の前にある
わたしの未来を奪うなんて
そんなの許さないから
For whose sake am I living...?
The answer is before my eyes.
To steal away my future,
that is something I will not forgive.
もう何もかも嫌になる前に
Before I come to hate everything,
鎖の鍵を解いて
release these chains...
Translation notes: Chained Girl
There are a number of Vocaloids songs for Miku that have similar titles, something followed by "shoujo". The first of those was Giant Girl (巨大少女, "kyodai shoujo"), which I found in the second Project Diva game, and then eventually I tracked down Deep-Sea Girl (深海少女, "shinkai shoujo"). Now I've found Chained Girl. (The title structure is slightly different - "kusari no shoujo" - but I feel comfortable grouping these songs together anyway.)
I translated this song for one simple reason: I listened to it, read the lyrics out of the CD booklet as I listened to it a second time, and realized I had a powerful song on my hands. All three of the songs I mentioned did that to me, really. Giant Girl is a song about wanting to be noticed. Deep-Sea Girl is an allegory for depression. Chained Girl is a song about feeling imprisoned by the expectations of others.
Neither was it a song that was particularly difficult to translate. I do still need work on the vocabulary I have memorized, since it's not really practical to pull out a dictionary in the middle of a conversation. But that wasn't a concern in this case. And in between my ability to listen to the song and the kanji I can read out of the CD booklet, getting the lyrics wasn't a challenge either.
The one interesting point that I'd like to highlight this time around, from a technical perspective, is the ways furigana (the characters used as a pronunciation guide, printed above certain kanji) are used in situations like this one. In the first two instances, they're simply "converting" the reading from Japanese into English; the word "hyouka" can be translated as "test" (or perhaps more accurately "assessment"), while "soushokuhin" can mean "jewel" (again, more accurately "ornament" or "decoration"). So those aren't a challenge to translate, particularly.
Later, though, there are three more in quick succession that are a little more complicated. In those instances, the kanji in question are being "pronounced" as entirely different words. It leaves open the question: do you translate the word printed in the book or the word actually sung in the lyrics? Which is closer to the meaning you're trying to capture? Is there a way to account for both intended meanings in the translation?
In this case, I translated all three as the lyrics that were sung, and I'd like to think it works out so that all of the original meaning remains. The first is the reading of "jinsei", "life", as "michi", "road" or "path". Honestly, though, that's not difficult either; it makes perfect sense in English just as well, in the sense of "the path we take in life" or something like that. Calling it "the path I am to walk" says effectively the same thing as "the life I am to live", and I think the former captures the poetic manner of communicating that thought more effectively.
Second, we have "ayatsuri-shi", which would be a person who controls a puppet, read as "akuma", a demon or devil. In this case, I felt that the element of being controlled was adequately represented in the following line, and that the song would not suffer greatly from me focusing on the "devil" aspect of the translation. There are ways to account for both by extending that line in the translation, but I felt that none were wildly effective, and I did want that line to parrot the similar line from earlier in the song.
Finally, "kusari", the focus of this song ("chain" in case it wasn't obvious) read as "ito", "thread". In that sense it's just a matter of picking one of those two words to put in there - is the singer being controlled by chains or threads? Again, with chains being prominent elsewhere in the song, and with thread making more sense as a method of puppet control (especially an invisible one), I felt the song didn't lose anything major by translating as "threads".
I probably could go on, but I think I'll settle for talking about that one issue and opening up the floor to comments, questions, complaints, what have you. Let me know what you all think.
I translated this song for one simple reason: I listened to it, read the lyrics out of the CD booklet as I listened to it a second time, and realized I had a powerful song on my hands. All three of the songs I mentioned did that to me, really. Giant Girl is a song about wanting to be noticed. Deep-Sea Girl is an allegory for depression. Chained Girl is a song about feeling imprisoned by the expectations of others.
Neither was it a song that was particularly difficult to translate. I do still need work on the vocabulary I have memorized, since it's not really practical to pull out a dictionary in the middle of a conversation. But that wasn't a concern in this case. And in between my ability to listen to the song and the kanji I can read out of the CD booklet, getting the lyrics wasn't a challenge either.
The one interesting point that I'd like to highlight this time around, from a technical perspective, is the ways furigana (the characters used as a pronunciation guide, printed above certain kanji) are used in situations like this one. In the first two instances, they're simply "converting" the reading from Japanese into English; the word "hyouka" can be translated as "test" (or perhaps more accurately "assessment"), while "soushokuhin" can mean "jewel" (again, more accurately "ornament" or "decoration"). So those aren't a challenge to translate, particularly.
Later, though, there are three more in quick succession that are a little more complicated. In those instances, the kanji in question are being "pronounced" as entirely different words. It leaves open the question: do you translate the word printed in the book or the word actually sung in the lyrics? Which is closer to the meaning you're trying to capture? Is there a way to account for both intended meanings in the translation?
In this case, I translated all three as the lyrics that were sung, and I'd like to think it works out so that all of the original meaning remains. The first is the reading of "jinsei", "life", as "michi", "road" or "path". Honestly, though, that's not difficult either; it makes perfect sense in English just as well, in the sense of "the path we take in life" or something like that. Calling it "the path I am to walk" says effectively the same thing as "the life I am to live", and I think the former captures the poetic manner of communicating that thought more effectively.
Second, we have "ayatsuri-shi", which would be a person who controls a puppet, read as "akuma", a demon or devil. In this case, I felt that the element of being controlled was adequately represented in the following line, and that the song would not suffer greatly from me focusing on the "devil" aspect of the translation. There are ways to account for both by extending that line in the translation, but I felt that none were wildly effective, and I did want that line to parrot the similar line from earlier in the song.
Finally, "kusari", the focus of this song ("chain" in case it wasn't obvious) read as "ito", "thread". In that sense it's just a matter of picking one of those two words to put in there - is the singer being controlled by chains or threads? Again, with chains being prominent elsewhere in the song, and with thread making more sense as a method of puppet control (especially an invisible one), I felt the song didn't lose anything major by translating as "threads".
I probably could go on, but I think I'll settle for talking about that one issue and opening up the floor to comments, questions, complaints, what have you. Let me know what you all think.
2012-04-09
Reports from Anime Boston 2012
It's kind of interesting. Even when I go to a convention theoretically with a group of people, I end up going off and doing my own thing. Not sure if it's just an "introversion" thing or if it's a special case, given what I usually do at conventions...
Well anyway. Again, I didn't really cosplay, short of the black cloak and Hero of Space god tier T-shirt. Which was enough to get some people thinking I was cosplaying one of Andrew Hussie's appearances in the comic in which he wears a fairly similar outfit. So apparently, I was sort of cosplaying someone without even intending to? Some people assumed one or the other, while others asked if I was trying to go for the cosplay or not. For the record, I wasn't going for that.
The Anime Boston dealers room was surprisingly light on stuff that I actually wanted. For a convention focusing around Japanese stuff, there was a surprising lack of, well, actual Japanese stuff. Translations and English versions everywhere, which I imagine was nice for the majority of people there that couldn't speak Japanese, but for someone who actually wants to read the original Japanese manga, not so helpful. In short, every convention I go to ends up reminding me that there is no substitute for actually being in Japan.
Video gaming was less of a thing this time around too. Mostly because I was royally screwing up. I mean, okay, my definition of screwing up at DDR is getting B's and C's on songs where I'd otherwise be getting AA's, so it's not like I was failing anything, but still. I played one or two of my absolute favorite songs and then found other things to do.
Like karaoke for example. Anyone who was following my old study abroad blog while I was in Kyoto might have noticed how much I love to do karaoke. I took advantage of Anime Boston's karaoke room to fill that particular craving. Sang five songs over the course of two days, too. In order:
First up, the Sakura Taisen theme song. No, I did not do the dance, too. Yes, I should have. I'll try to learn the dance so that I can do it next time. I did, however, do the spoken portion, including the salute at the end, and it got about the same response at Anime Boston that it did in that live performance.
Romancers' Neo, opening theme song to the Nanoha Gears of Destiny game. Asked the audience if there were any Nanoha fans; there was one. Don't know if she recognized the song or not though. (And I can't find a good video on YouTube for that one, sadly.)
Colorful Melody. Again, no dance. Again, I need to learn the dance. Also, I did this one solo, mostly because I could (it's supposed to be a duet), and I said as much before I started. I'm surprised by how well it turned out, actually; there's a section in the middle that's not in that video which I managed to make my way through without even knowing the full lyrics, and usually my attempts to sing songs this thoroughly out of my vocal range sound much worse than it ended up being.
Stardust Dreams. Hilarious because of the reaction from the group of Touhou cosplayers in the room at the time. Also hilarious because two people from that group did a different remix of that song's original right after I finished. They were different enough that if they hadn't said as much, I probably wouldn't have noticed right away.
Finally, No Need to Promise, the Escaflowne theme song. Which had gotten thoroughly stuck in my head since I started watching Escaflowne. I did it with the karaoke version (no vocals in the background) and did surprisingly well considering I don't know the song nearly well enough to have the cues memorized.
When not in the karaoke hall singing, I was also hanging out in the live gaming hall. Got to play a game of an anime-style tabletop RPG called Big Eyes, Small Mouth, which went pretty well. In case anyone was curious, I played the magical girl character. (And everyone who knows me nods along with a knowing look on their face.) She was awesome, especially when I blasted an entire room full of enemies with an AOE spell that could have probably leveled an entire city block had I used it at full power. Let's just say she was my style of magical girl.
I also got the chance to play Arkham Horror. I like board games, especially this kind of board game that's overly complicated and very strategic. We did fail to stop Cthulu's awakening, but it was fun while it lasted.
... Hmm, my priorities are obvious from the amount of stuff I wrote, huh? Damn I like karaoke. Well, that was Anime Boston 2012. If I'm still in the area next year, I'll probably end up going again.
2012-01-21
Romancers' Neo Lyrics Translation
ROMANCERS' NEO 歌詞英訳
The notes for this translation are here. Please direct any comments about the translation to that page's comment field.
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Romancers' Neo (Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha A's Portable: The Gears of Destiny OP)
Lyrics: Hibiki
作詞：Hibiki
Composition: Noriyasu Agematsu
作曲：上松範康
Arrangement: Junpei Fujita
編曲：藤田淳平
Vocal: Nana Mizuki
歌：水樹奈々
Lyrics:
静かに…耳を澄ませば 聴こえる…流星の残響
届けカンパネラ 生命のRondo
決意に…追いかけたHeart tail 禁じた…剣を掴んで
弱くていい 君の定義 思い込めて往こう
Softly now... If you listen clearly,
you can hear the echoes of the shooting star.
Let the bells ring, life’s rondo.
Decision made, I chase after the heart’s tail,
taking hold of a forbidden sword.
There’s nothing wrong with weakness,
believe in what defines you and go!
感じて僕の声を 聖なるインフィニティ
誓える愛の為に
「今は小さな火花でいい…いつか大きな炎へと変われ」
Feel my voice, a holy infinity;
I can make this vow, for love’s sake.
“Right now, a small spark is fine,
for one day it will become a roaring blaze!”
イカズチでも壊せない その絆の限りRise
新時代の福音 よ 夢追人を照らせ
もう迷わないさ 風のままに
未来はまばゆく輝いて 君を待つよ
Rise! To the limits of this bond
which even thunder cannot destroy.
The gospel of a new age; those who chase their dreams will shine.
I won’t lose my way anymore, as long as the wind blows.
The future shines brilliantly, as it waits for you...
何度も…倒れた日々よ 雫で土を濡らす程
強く芽を息吹く大志
優しき…背を押したTrue shine 温もり…何かを教える
太陽さえ 見た事ない 煌めきのファーブラ
Over and over... these are fallen days;
to the point that drops of water soak the ground,
with a sprout’s strongly growing ambition.
Kindness... the true shine touches my back,
warmth... may it teach me something.
Having never seen the sun, a glittering fable...
遥かな空の果てに 聳える理想郷
信じた友の詩
「僕らは心のあるままに…きっと宿命を越えられるはず」
At the limits of the distant sky,
utopia towers over us...
The song of a trusted friend:
“as long as we have heart,
we can change our destiny!”
いまだけなら泣いていい 全部抱きしめるよBrave
そして君は気づくんだ 尊く光るチカラ
伝うこの気持ち 永久に咲いて
ゆずれない明日があるはずさ さあ…世界へ
If it’s just now, crying is fine;
embrace everything, be brave!
And you notice, the precious glowing power...
I will share these feelings, blooming for all time.
A tomorrow we will never surrender will be there,
Yes, let’s go out into the world!
震える日は暖めよう 凍える日は隣にいよう
切なき日は…嗚呼ずっとずっと離さずいるから
君と云う名の下 始まるレジェンド
Let’s warm the shivering days,
set the frozen days aside.
The miserable ones...
oh, I will always be by your side, so
under your name a legend will begin!
イカズチでも壊せない その絆の限りRise
新時代の福音 よ 夢追人を照らせ
もう迷わないさ 風のままに
二度とない今日を生きてゆく 君と共に…！
Rise! To the limits of this bond
which even thunder cannot destroy.
The gospel of a new age; those who chase their dreams will shine.
I won’t lose my way anymore, as long as the wind blows.
Let’s live through this day which will never come again,
together with you!
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Romancers' Neo (Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha A's Portable: The Gears of Destiny OP)
Lyrics: Hibiki
作詞：Hibiki
Composition: Noriyasu Agematsu
作曲：上松範康
Arrangement: Junpei Fujita
編曲：藤田淳平
Vocal: Nana Mizuki
歌：水樹奈々
Lyrics:
静かに…耳を澄ませば 聴こえる…流星の残響
届けカンパネラ 生命のRondo
決意に…追いかけたHeart tail 禁じた…剣を掴んで
弱くていい 君の定義 思い込めて往こう
Softly now... If you listen clearly,
you can hear the echoes of the shooting star.
Let the bells ring, life’s rondo.
Decision made, I chase after the heart’s tail,
taking hold of a forbidden sword.
There’s nothing wrong with weakness,
believe in what defines you and go!
感じて僕の声を 聖なるインフィニティ
誓える愛の為に
「今は小さな火花でいい…いつか大きな炎へと変われ」
Feel my voice, a holy infinity;
I can make this vow, for love’s sake.
“Right now, a small spark is fine,
for one day it will become a roaring blaze!”
イカズチでも壊せない その絆の限りRise
新時代の
もう迷わないさ 風のままに
未来はまばゆく輝いて 君を待つよ
Rise! To the limits of this bond
which even thunder cannot destroy.
The gospel of a new age; those who chase their dreams will shine.
I won’t lose my way anymore, as long as the wind blows.
The future shines brilliantly, as it waits for you...
何度も…倒れた日々よ 雫で土を濡らす程
強く芽を息吹く
優しき…背を押したTrue shine 温もり…何かを教える
太陽さえ 見た事ない 煌めきのファーブラ
Over and over... these are fallen days;
to the point that drops of water soak the ground,
with a sprout’s strongly growing ambition.
Kindness... the true shine touches my back,
warmth... may it teach me something.
Having never seen the sun, a glittering fable...
遥かな空の果てに 聳える
信じた友の詩
「僕らは心のあるままに…きっと宿命を越えられるはず」
At the limits of the distant sky,
utopia towers over us...
The song of a trusted friend:
“as long as we have heart,
we can change our destiny!”
いまだけなら泣いていい 全部抱きしめるよBrave
そして君は気づくんだ 尊く光るチカラ
伝うこの気持ち 永久に咲いて
ゆずれない明日があるはずさ さあ…世界へ
If it’s just now, crying is fine;
embrace everything, be brave!
And you notice, the precious glowing power...
I will share these feelings, blooming for all time.
A tomorrow we will never surrender will be there,
Yes, let’s go out into the world!
震える日は暖めよう 凍える日は隣にいよう
切なき日は…嗚呼ずっとずっと離さずいるから
君と云う名の下 始まるレジェンド
Let’s warm the shivering days,
set the frozen days aside.
The miserable ones...
oh, I will always be by your side, so
under your name a legend will begin!
イカズチでも壊せない その絆の限りRise
新時代の
もう迷わないさ 風のままに
二度とない今日を生きてゆく 君と共に…！
Rise! To the limits of this bond
which even thunder cannot destroy.
The gospel of a new age; those who chase their dreams will shine.
I won’t lose my way anymore, as long as the wind blows.
Let’s live through this day which will never come again,
together with you!
Translation Notes: Romancers' Neo
Romancers' Neo first caught my attention as the opening theme song of the Nanoha PSP game Gears of Destiny, which I've mentioned before. (The OP version runs until the end of the first chorus, where the translated lyrics are "it waits for you".) If there's one interesting thing about it, it's that the lyrics are liberally sprinkled with... I would say English terms except I'm not actually confident that they are all English. If they are, they're obscure enough to evade my fairly expansive vocabulary. In short, one of the hardest parts of being a translator is that you have to be everything else too, or at least be able to fake it well enough.
Which brings up an interesting question, really. When translating, do you leave the original text in (where it makes sense to do so) or do you translate for meaning instead? Another good example of this is Only My Railgun by fripSide, the opening to A Certain Scientific Railgun. Presented with what is nominally English but which makes little sense to English speakers, what do you do when translating, whether for subtitles or for a blog like this one?
The second line, thus, provided no end of problems. Partly because it took me forever to figure out what "campanella" was supposed to be. Once I did think to look more closely at Italian, rather than English, the idea of talking about a bell ringing came shortly thereafter. This is a case in which I felt leaving the Italian term in the final product would have been almost completely nonsensical; simply replacing "bell" would only produce confusion, and trying to avoid adding the reference to ringing (which is not really in the original text) would have been worse. ("Reach, campanella!" Yeah, no thank you.)
Of course, then immediately after that I did leave a fairly obscure term in. For the record, "rondo" is a word in English, referring to a work or movement of music with its own particular subject. This time, though, trying to shoehorn in a definition would have been the less optimal choice. Any attempt to do a single-word replacement (such as "melody") would be materially different, and putting in an entire explanation would quickly descend into an overly-long string of words. So, rondo stays in, and anyone who wants to know what the song's exactly talking about can look it up, as I imagine many Japanese would have to as well with the original text. (It does show up in Japanese dictionaries too!)
The next incidence of an unfamiliar term came in the first stanza after the chorus (fourth overall). "Kalmia" is apparently a type of plant, assuming that that is in fact what was intended when these lyrics were written. (It's what comes up in the Japanese dictionary for the katakana カルミア, at any rate.) And there's a distinct way in which that reference makes sense, in that the rest of the line refers to a sprout... breathing strongly? In all likelihood, I made hash of that line, but I feel like the characters as written make... little sense. What I did in the end was to associate breathing with living, and connect that back to plants and growing, but that's very much a workaround.
Of course, the other problem is that the kanji there has nothing to do with plants. If you were to ignore the reading given, you'd see the word for "ambition", which is where that part of the translation comes from. Kalmia is apparently a decently pretty plant (if Google Images is to be believed), so perhaps it makes sense for "grow to become like this" to be a sprout's ambition.
And then we hit the end of the stanza and the Japanese katakana "ファーブラ", with which all I can really do is give you the near-direct romanization "fabula" and leave it at that. I can't even suggest what that might mean, because I have literally no idea. Searches in three separate dictionaries (the English, the Japanese, and the other Japanese on my phone) each yielded no results. If someone does have a theory they'd like to defend, by all means tell me about it. UPDATE: Aaaaaand I should have paid more attention to the possibility of Italian showing up again. Apparently "fabula" translates as "fable" in that language. Barring any better explanation, I've edited the translation slightly to reflect this information.
Once I got through the incredible mess of unfamiliar words, though, the translation was reasonably straightforward. I did flip around sentence orders in a few places, most notably in the chorus, where the word "rise" starts the line in the translation and ends it in the original text. Needless to say, I do think that the alteration is a more effective way of getting at what the song is saying.
Let me know what you think of the translation (or the song) in the comments!
Which brings up an interesting question, really. When translating, do you leave the original text in (where it makes sense to do so) or do you translate for meaning instead? Another good example of this is Only My Railgun by fripSide, the opening to A Certain Scientific Railgun. Presented with what is nominally English but which makes little sense to English speakers, what do you do when translating, whether for subtitles or for a blog like this one?
The second line, thus, provided no end of problems. Partly because it took me forever to figure out what "campanella" was supposed to be. Once I did think to look more closely at Italian, rather than English, the idea of talking about a bell ringing came shortly thereafter. This is a case in which I felt leaving the Italian term in the final product would have been almost completely nonsensical; simply replacing "bell" would only produce confusion, and trying to avoid adding the reference to ringing (which is not really in the original text) would have been worse. ("Reach, campanella!" Yeah, no thank you.)
Of course, then immediately after that I did leave a fairly obscure term in. For the record, "rondo" is a word in English, referring to a work or movement of music with its own particular subject. This time, though, trying to shoehorn in a definition would have been the less optimal choice. Any attempt to do a single-word replacement (such as "melody") would be materially different, and putting in an entire explanation would quickly descend into an overly-long string of words. So, rondo stays in, and anyone who wants to know what the song's exactly talking about can look it up, as I imagine many Japanese would have to as well with the original text. (It does show up in Japanese dictionaries too!)
The next incidence of an unfamiliar term came in the first stanza after the chorus (fourth overall). "Kalmia" is apparently a type of plant, assuming that that is in fact what was intended when these lyrics were written. (It's what comes up in the Japanese dictionary for the katakana カルミア, at any rate.) And there's a distinct way in which that reference makes sense, in that the rest of the line refers to a sprout... breathing strongly? In all likelihood, I made hash of that line, but I feel like the characters as written make... little sense. What I did in the end was to associate breathing with living, and connect that back to plants and growing, but that's very much a workaround.
Of course, the other problem is that the kanji there has nothing to do with plants. If you were to ignore the reading given, you'd see the word for "ambition", which is where that part of the translation comes from. Kalmia is apparently a decently pretty plant (if Google Images is to be believed), so perhaps it makes sense for "grow to become like this" to be a sprout's ambition.
And then we hit the end of the stanza and the Japanese katakana "ファーブラ", with which all I can really do is give you the near-direct romanization "fabula" and leave it at that. I can't even suggest what that might mean, because I have literally no idea. Searches in three separate dictionaries (the English, the Japanese, and the other Japanese on my phone) each yielded no results. If someone does have a theory they'd like to defend, by all means tell me about it. UPDATE: Aaaaaand I should have paid more attention to the possibility of Italian showing up again. Apparently "fabula" translates as "fable" in that language. Barring any better explanation, I've edited the translation slightly to reflect this information.
Once I got through the incredible mess of unfamiliar words, though, the translation was reasonably straightforward. I did flip around sentence orders in a few places, most notably in the chorus, where the word "rise" starts the line in the translation and ends it in the original text. Needless to say, I do think that the alteration is a more effective way of getting at what the song is saying.
Let me know what you think of the translation (or the song) in the comments!
2011-09-27
Translation Notes: Black Rock Shooter
I blame my school's anime club for this one. Yesterday, we watched the Black Rock Shooter OVA, and that reminded me that I had a song that I had been meaning to deal with. Well, that and I was hoping it would provide some perspective on the events of the OVA. If nothing else, it certainly managed that. (There might, at some point, be a post talking about the OVA. It was actually really interesting. But that's a subject for another time.)
It was a very quick translation that I hammered out. Anime club ended around 2120; the post went up at 2220. Usually I try to spend a little more time considering what exactly I'm writing and whether it actually fits the Japanese source text, but then there's also the fact that there wasn't a single word in here that I haven't seen multiple times over in other places. There's almost a sense of a unique vocabulary for the songs I like to listen to; shared themes results in shared words and ideas.
Of course, one of the other consequences of posting the translation quickly was the lack of the kind of serious consideration of my translation that produces a "notes" page. While this is not going to make up for that in any serious fashion, I can at least put on the pretense of having considered the issue, and will highlight three points of possible interest. And in this case, that means a pair of things that I've actually changed.
In the very second line, I originally translated it in the present tense, "where are you going?" To some extent that instinct is not an unreasonable one, but in this case it was probably not justified; there is a narrative here, and not everything in the song references the same time period. I have changed that to "where have you gone?", matching the past tense in Japanese.
Then there's the "nomikomu" in the second-to-last chorus. I admit this gave me pause when first translating it; I had a momentary internal fight over whether to translate it literally or not. Clearly, "nomikomu" is something applied in a literal sense to actual objects, not to words; I tried to translate it in that literal sense "take in", perhaps in hopes of maintaining the phrasing. Looking at it again, though, I'm not really convinced. That has been changed to "understand", which seems like a better idea than the more esoteric "internalize" (that I was considering as the other option).
Finally, one of the last lines in the song, translated here as "you paid attention to me". One of the more annoying things to deal with in translation is the Japanese tendency of adding verbs that indicate giving or receiving even to actions, such as the "kureru" in the original phrase there. There's almost no way to translate it literally, as the use of that verb implies that the speaker has received something (in this case obviously intangible) as the result of being looked at. Thus, I discarded the original verb entirely (to look, "miru") in favor of an expression that followed the same idea and could be understood in English.
That pretty much covers my thoughts on this for now. If there are any obvious errors, comments, questions, and so on, let me know.
It was a very quick translation that I hammered out. Anime club ended around 2120; the post went up at 2220. Usually I try to spend a little more time considering what exactly I'm writing and whether it actually fits the Japanese source text, but then there's also the fact that there wasn't a single word in here that I haven't seen multiple times over in other places. There's almost a sense of a unique vocabulary for the songs I like to listen to; shared themes results in shared words and ideas.
Of course, one of the other consequences of posting the translation quickly was the lack of the kind of serious consideration of my translation that produces a "notes" page. While this is not going to make up for that in any serious fashion, I can at least put on the pretense of having considered the issue, and will highlight three points of possible interest. And in this case, that means a pair of things that I've actually changed.
In the very second line, I originally translated it in the present tense, "where are you going?" To some extent that instinct is not an unreasonable one, but in this case it was probably not justified; there is a narrative here, and not everything in the song references the same time period. I have changed that to "where have you gone?", matching the past tense in Japanese.
Then there's the "nomikomu" in the second-to-last chorus. I admit this gave me pause when first translating it; I had a momentary internal fight over whether to translate it literally or not. Clearly, "nomikomu" is something applied in a literal sense to actual objects, not to words; I tried to translate it in that literal sense "take in", perhaps in hopes of maintaining the phrasing. Looking at it again, though, I'm not really convinced. That has been changed to "understand", which seems like a better idea than the more esoteric "internalize" (that I was considering as the other option).
Finally, one of the last lines in the song, translated here as "you paid attention to me". One of the more annoying things to deal with in translation is the Japanese tendency of adding verbs that indicate giving or receiving even to actions, such as the "kureru" in the original phrase there. There's almost no way to translate it literally, as the use of that verb implies that the speaker has received something (in this case obviously intangible) as the result of being looked at. Thus, I discarded the original verb entirely (to look, "miru") in favor of an expression that followed the same idea and could be understood in English.
That pretty much covers my thoughts on this for now. If there are any obvious errors, comments, questions, and so on, let me know.
2011-09-26
ブラック★ロックシューター歌詞
Black Rock Shooter Lyrics
The notes for this translation are here. Please direct any comments about the translation to that page's comment field.
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Black Rock Shooter
ブラック★ロックシューター
Lyrics/Composition/Arrangement: ryo
作詞・作曲・編曲：ryo
Vocal: Miku Hatsune
歌：初音ミク
Lyrics:
ブラックロックシューター
何処へ行ったの？
聞こえますか？
Black Rock Shooter...
Where have you gone?
Can you hear me?
あとどれだけ叫べばいいのだろう
あとどれだけ泣けばいいのだろう
もうやめて わたしはもう走れない
いつか夢見た世界が閉じる
真っ暗で明かりもない
崩れかけたこの道で
あるはずもないあの時の希望が
見えた気がした
How loudly must I yell,
how much should I cry...
Stop already! I can’t run anymore!
That world of my dreams will close someday;
in this darkness there is no light.
On this crumbling path...
it should not be, and yet I feel like the hope from that time
came back into sight...
どうして
Why?
ブラックロックシューター
懐かしい記憶
ただ楽しかったあの頃を
ブラックロックシューター
でも動けないよ
闇を駆ける星に願いを
もう一度だけ走るから
Black Rock Shooter
This nostalgic memory,
from those times of simple fun...
Black Rock Shooter
But I can’t move!
I will wish upon these stars that run through the darkness,
to run just once more...
怖くて震える声でつぶやく
わたしの名前を呼んで
夜明けを抱く空 境界線までの距離
あともう一歩届かない
こらえた涙があふれそうなの
今下を向かないで
止まってしまう
未来を生きていたんだ
わかったの 思い出して
強く 強く 信じるの
A scared, trembling voice whispers,
calling my name...
The sky that embraces the dawn, all the way to its boundary.
I’m just one step out of reach...
These tears that I've endured are about to overflow;
I won’t look down now.
This future will live on!
You understand. Remember this;
believe ever more strongly!
そうよ
That's right!
ブラックロックシューター
懐かしい匂い
痛いよ 辛いよ
飲み込む言葉
ブラックロックシューター
動いてこの足！
世界を超えて
Black Rock Shooter
This nostalgic scent...
It hurts! It’s painful!
These words I understand.
Black Rock Shooter
Let these legs move,
and pass through this world!
最初からわかっていた
ここにいることを
わたしのなかの
全ての勇気が
火をともして
もう逃げないよ
From the beginning I understood,
for me to be here.
Inside myself,
all of my courage
lights a fire in my heart.
I won’t run away!
ブラックロックシューター
ひとりじゃないよ
声をあげて泣いたって構わない
ブラックロックシューター
見ていてくれる
今からはじまるの
わたしの物語
Black Rock Shooter
You’re not alone!
Raise your voice, it doesn’t matter if you cry!
Black Rock Shooter
You paid attention to me...
This is from when it begins:
my story.
忘れそうになったら この歌を
歌うよ
And when it seems people might forget,
sing this song.
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Black Rock Shooter
ブラック★ロックシューター
Lyrics/Composition/Arrangement: ryo
作詞・作曲・編曲：ryo
Vocal: Miku Hatsune
歌：初音ミク
Lyrics:
ブラックロックシューター
何処へ行ったの？
聞こえますか？
Black Rock Shooter...
Where have you gone?
Can you hear me?
あとどれだけ叫べばいいのだろう
あとどれだけ泣けばいいのだろう
もうやめて わたしはもう走れない
いつか夢見た世界が閉じる
真っ暗で明かりもない
崩れかけたこの道で
あるはずもないあの時の希望が
見えた気がした
How loudly must I yell,
how much should I cry...
Stop already! I can’t run anymore!
That world of my dreams will close someday;
in this darkness there is no light.
On this crumbling path...
it should not be, and yet I feel like the hope from that time
came back into sight...
どうして
Why?
ブラックロックシューター
懐かしい記憶
ただ楽しかったあの頃を
ブラックロックシューター
でも動けないよ
闇を駆ける星に願いを
もう一度だけ走るから
Black Rock Shooter
This nostalgic memory,
from those times of simple fun...
Black Rock Shooter
But I can’t move!
I will wish upon these stars that run through the darkness,
to run just once more...
怖くて震える声でつぶやく
わたしの名前を呼んで
夜明けを抱く空 境界線までの距離
あともう一歩届かない
こらえた涙があふれそうなの
今下を向かないで
止まってしまう
未来を生きていたんだ
わかったの 思い出して
強く 強く 信じるの
A scared, trembling voice whispers,
calling my name...
The sky that embraces the dawn, all the way to its boundary.
I’m just one step out of reach...
These tears that I've endured are about to overflow;
I won’t look down now.
This future will live on!
You understand. Remember this;
believe ever more strongly!
そうよ
That's right!
ブラックロックシューター
懐かしい匂い
痛いよ 辛いよ
飲み込む言葉
ブラックロックシューター
動いてこの足！
世界を超えて
Black Rock Shooter
This nostalgic scent...
It hurts! It’s painful!
These words I understand.
Black Rock Shooter
Let these legs move,
and pass through this world!
最初からわかっていた
ここにいることを
わたしのなかの
全ての勇気が
火をともして
もう逃げないよ
From the beginning I understood,
for me to be here.
Inside myself,
all of my courage
lights a fire in my heart.
I won’t run away!
ブラックロックシューター
ひとりじゃないよ
声をあげて泣いたって構わない
ブラックロックシューター
見ていてくれる
今からはじまるの
わたしの物語
Black Rock Shooter
You’re not alone!
Raise your voice, it doesn’t matter if you cry!
Black Rock Shooter
You paid attention to me...
This is from when it begins:
my story.
忘れそうになったら この歌を
歌うよ
And when it seems people might forget,
sing this song.
2011-09-13
Connect Lyrics
コネクト歌詞
The notes for this translation are here. Please direct any comments about the translation to that page's comment field.
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Connect (Puella Magi Madoka Magica Opening Theme)
コネクト（『魔法少女まどか☆マギカ』オープニングテーマ）
Lyrics/Composition: Shou Watanabe
作詞・作曲：渡辺 翔
Arrangement: Atsushi Yuasa
編曲：湯浅 篤
Vocal: ClariS (link to Japanese website)
歌手：ClariS
Lyrics:
交わした約束忘れないよ
目を閉じ確かめる
押し寄せた闇 振り払って進むよ
I won't ever forget this exchanged promise.
I close my eyes and make sure...
Shaking off the advancing darkness, I push forward!
いつになったらなくした未来を
私ここでまた見ることできるの？
When will it be that I can
see this lost future again from here?
溢れ出した不安の影を何度でも裂いて
この世界歩んでこう
Again and again I cut through these overflowing shadows of anxiety,
and walk into this world.
とめどなく刻まれた 時は今始まり告げ
変わらない思いをのせ
閉ざされた扉開けよう
Now, this ceaselessly recorded time begins to speak.
Sending out my unchanging feelings,
let’s open this sealed door!
目覚めた心は走り出した未来を描くため
難しい道で立ち止まっても
空はきれいな青さでいつも待っててくれる
だから怖くない
もう何があっても挫けない
So that my awakened spirit will describe a new future...
Even if I should come to a halt on this difficult road,
the sky with its beautiful blue will always be waiting for me,
and so I will not be afraid.
No matter what should come, I will not be broken down.
振り返れば仲間がいて
気がつけば優しく包まれてた
If I turn back, my friends are there.
If they realize, I am enveloped in their gentle arms.
何もかもが歪んだ世界で
唯一信じれるここが救いだった
Out of everything in this distorted world,
to believe in just one... here is my salvation.
喜びも悲しみもわけあえば強まる想い
この声が届くのなら
きっと奇跡はおこせるだろう
Happiness, sadness... feelings that grow stronger when shared.
If this voice reaches you,
surely a miracle will be awakened!
交わした約束忘れないよ
目を閉じ確かめる
押し寄せた闇 振り払って進むよ
どんなに大きな壁があっても
越えてみせるからきっと
明日信じて祈って
I won't ever forget this exchanged promise.
I close my eyes and make sure...
Shaking off the advancing darkness, I push forward!
No matter how large the wall may be,
I will try to surpass it, so
believe in tomorrow, and pray...
壊れた世界で彷徨って私は
引き寄せられるように辿り着いた
Drifting through this destroyed world...
as if pulling it toward me, I reached this place.
目覚めた心は走り出した未来を描くため
難しい道で立ち止まっても
空はきれいな青さでいつも待っててくれる
だから怖くない
もう何があっても挫けない
So that my awakened spirit will describe a new future...
Even if I should come to a halt on this difficult road,
the sky with its beautiful blue will always be waiting for me,
and so I will not be afraid.
No matter what should come, I will not be broken down.
ずっと明日待って
Tomorrow is always waiting...
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Connect (Puella Magi Madoka Magica Opening Theme)
コネクト（『魔法少女まどか☆マギカ』オープニングテーマ）
Lyrics/Composition: Shou Watanabe
作詞・作曲：渡辺 翔
Arrangement: Atsushi Yuasa
編曲：湯浅 篤
Vocal: ClariS (link to Japanese website)
歌手：ClariS
Lyrics:
交わした約束忘れないよ
目を閉じ確かめる
押し寄せた闇 振り払って進むよ
I won't ever forget this exchanged promise.
I close my eyes and make sure...
Shaking off the advancing darkness, I push forward!
いつになったらなくした未来を
私ここでまた見ることできるの？
When will it be that I can
see this lost future again from here?
溢れ出した不安の影を何度でも裂いて
この世界歩んでこう
Again and again I cut through these overflowing shadows of anxiety,
and walk into this world.
とめどなく刻まれた 時は今始まり告げ
変わらない思いをのせ
閉ざされた扉開けよう
Now, this ceaselessly recorded time begins to speak.
Sending out my unchanging feelings,
let’s open this sealed door!
目覚めた心は走り出した未来を描くため
難しい道で立ち止まっても
空はきれいな青さでいつも待っててくれる
だから怖くない
もう何があっても挫けない
So that my awakened spirit will describe a new future...
Even if I should come to a halt on this difficult road,
the sky with its beautiful blue will always be waiting for me,
and so I will not be afraid.
No matter what should come, I will not be broken down.
振り返れば仲間がいて
気がつけば優しく包まれてた
If I turn back, my friends are there.
If they realize, I am enveloped in their gentle arms.
何もかもが歪んだ世界で
唯一信じれるここが救いだった
Out of everything in this distorted world,
to believe in just one... here is my salvation.
喜びも悲しみもわけあえば強まる想い
この声が届くのなら
きっと奇跡はおこせるだろう
Happiness, sadness... feelings that grow stronger when shared.
If this voice reaches you,
surely a miracle will be awakened!
交わした約束忘れないよ
目を閉じ確かめる
押し寄せた闇 振り払って進むよ
どんなに大きな壁があっても
越えてみせるからきっと
明日信じて祈って
I won't ever forget this exchanged promise.
I close my eyes and make sure...
Shaking off the advancing darkness, I push forward!
No matter how large the wall may be,
I will try to surpass it, so
believe in tomorrow, and pray...
壊れた世界で彷徨って私は
引き寄せられるように辿り着いた
Drifting through this destroyed world...
as if pulling it toward me, I reached this place.
目覚めた心は走り出した未来を描くため
難しい道で立ち止まっても
空はきれいな青さでいつも待っててくれる
だから怖くない
もう何があっても挫けない
So that my awakened spirit will describe a new future...
Even if I should come to a halt on this difficult road,
the sky with its beautiful blue will always be waiting for me,
and so I will not be afraid.
No matter what should come, I will not be broken down.
ずっと明日待って
Tomorrow is always waiting...
Translation Notes: Connect
Normally I would not even try to deal with a song that has undoubtedly received so much attention. I have to imagine that every fansub group with a version of Madoka Magica out has offered a translation of at least the TV size version of Connect. In fact, I would hardly be surprised if we did not get an "official" translation, in the sense that the subtitles on the American DVD release will be the direct result of Aniplex's efforts and thus will bear their stamp of legitimacy. So why did I translate Connect?
Part of that would be simply for the challenge. Yes, I'm the kind of person who translates Japanese for the fun of it. I'd hoped that part of it would be obvious already...
Part of it is to hopefully draw out more of a response. I have not even bothered to look at any other translations of this song; the Madoka Magica premiere at Otakon did not have subtitles during the opening sequence, and I have actually not (yet) watched the rest of the anime. So there's every possibility that the translation I've created will have differences, possibly even major differences, from other versions. I'd like to believe that any major differences will be debatable questions and not simply the result of my own error, but I guess we'll see.
And so, some of the things that I dealt with in writing this translation... (It's worth noting that the following is really just my attempt at imagining what someone would ask about my translation. These are the answers I've come up with to fictional "why did you do this" questions. They're fairly extensive, so feel free to just look at the translation and ignore my detailed thought process if it's not your cup of tea.)
In the very first stanza (right after what I'll call the introductory version of the second chorus) the line breaks and Japanese word order gave me no end of trouble. It's clearly a question, of course, but the Japanese word order would perhaps best be represented by "when - lost future - I - here - again can see?" Clearly, some reordering is going to be necessary. Mine does this to a fairly considerable extent, but I think the result is effective.
The next section that gave me some difficulty was right before the chorus, at "hajimari tsuge". It's a simple enough concept in general, but given this particular usage of it, with the subject apparently being "time", it became much harder to deal with. "Tsugeru" could translate directly as "to inform", but that seemed awkward and unclear; what does it mean for time to inform? In the end, I chose to use the word "speak" as a translation, as the anthropomorphism made it clearer as to what exactly was being said.
The next section that gave me some difficulty was right before the chorus, at "hajimari tsuge". It's a simple enough concept in general, but given this particular usage of it, with the subject apparently being "time", it became much harder to deal with. "Tsugeru" could translate directly as "to inform", but that seemed awkward and unclear; what does it mean for time to inform? In the end, I chose to use the word "speak" as a translation, as the anthropomorphism made it clearer as to what exactly was being said.
The first line of the chorus makes reference to "kokoro". If I had to make a list of Japanese words familiar to people that hadn't formally studied Japanese, that one would probably be on it. I chose to translate it as "spirit" here because its meaning is effectively "spirit", or "heart" in the spiritual sense. Given that there was no need to distinguish it from other Japanese words that might be closer in meaning to "spirit", that was the word I went with in the end.
Also in the first line of the chorus, I found it difficult to deal with the word "hashiridashita". Its position before "mirai" suggests that it's supposed to modify the idea of "future" in that line, but my first thought upon seeing "hashiridashita" is effectively "begin to run", which is a little awkward and then doesn't quite make sense. Given that it can also be applied to less concrete things like "project", I decided that the best way to represent this was with the word "new"... since the definition of "hashiridasu" is connected to starting something, the reasonable assumption is that it's newly formed. Of course, that isn't the only possible interpretation, and I'm not sure I'm entirely satisfied with this one...
Shortly after that chorus, I ran into an addition that I felt obligated to make. The next stanza after that ends in "yasashiku tsutsumareteta", which would probably translate literally as "gently enveloped". Unfortunately, as usual, Japanese omits the subject and lets the reader/listener figure it out. I felt that the direct, subject-less translation would have read too strangely in English, and so I added a subject, linking the previous line to this one.
Finally, the hardest part of this translation was the part immediately after that. That next stanza seems like it could be one sentence, assuming "shinjireru" and the parts before it are modifying "koko". But "yuitsu" seems like it isn't referring to anything, and I couldn't come up with a connection for that. What I've written as a translation seems like it could be reasonable and fit in with the rest of the song... but if I had to pick out the spot where a serious error is most likely, it would be right here.
... I talk entirely too much about these kinds of things. Over-thinking much? *sigh* Do let me know if there are any other comments/questions/concerns about the translation.
Finally, the hardest part of this translation was the part immediately after that. That next stanza seems like it could be one sentence, assuming "shinjireru" and the parts before it are modifying "koko". But "yuitsu" seems like it isn't referring to anything, and I couldn't come up with a connection for that. What I've written as a translation seems like it could be reasonable and fit in with the rest of the song... but if I had to pick out the spot where a serious error is most likely, it would be right here.
... I talk entirely too much about these kinds of things. Over-thinking much? *sigh* Do let me know if there are any other comments/questions/concerns about the translation.
2011-07-22
Heartbeat/Clock Tower Lyrics
ハートビート・クロックタワー歌詞
The notes for this translation are here. Please direct any comments about the translation to that page's comment field.
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Heartbeat/Clock Tower
ハートビート・クロックタワー
Lyrics/Composition/Arrangement: mothy (Evil P)
歌詞・作曲・編曲：mothy（悪ノP）
Vocal: Kaito
歌手：KAITO
Lyrics:
時計塔の歯車の音
それは彼女が生きている証
この秒針が止まらぬように
見守るのが「僕」の役目
The sound of the clock tower's gears
is proof that she lives on.
So that that second hand never stops...
to watch over it is my duty.
かつての主人 物欲の化身
自らの罪は いつの日か
おのれ自身を滅ぼすのだと
どうして早く気付けなかったか
Former master, avatar of greed,
for my sins, the day will come
when I destroy my very self.
Why could I not have noticed sooner?
彼女の半身に今も残る 醜い火傷の跡は
あの二人の思い出を刻んでる
Even now, across half her body, the ugly marks of those burns remain,
carved into those two's memories.
今日もまた 迷い込んだ
何も知らぬ哀れな訪問者
彼らもすぐ「墓場の主」の
胃袋に収まることだろう
Yet again they are lost,
pitiable visitors that know nothing.
They as well will soon find their place
amidst the master of the graveyard's domain.
主役気取りの あの「女の子」
いつも通りのわがまま三昧
「片割れ」を失ったさみしさ
少し顔に宿しながら
With her pretension of the leading role, that girl
is as always lost in her indulgence of pride.
The sadness of losing one of their own
shows ever so slightly on her face.
孤独な男がその死の間際に作り上げた
森の奥の小さな映画館
忘れ去られたその時に鳴り始めた
ぜんまい仕掛けの子守唄
On the verge of death, that lonely man built
a small movie theater amidst the woods.
Utterly forgotten by all, the clockwork lullaby
begins to ring out then...
「血染めの鋏」「紫色の刀」
いまだ目覚めぬ彼らを待つ日々
全ての唄が語られたときに
理想郷（ユートピア）は完成するらしい
"Bloodstained scissors", "violet blade"...
The as yet unawoken days for which they wait.
When the time comes that all songs are shared,
perhaps then the utopia will be complete...
時計の針が 止まることは
彼女自身の終わりを意味する
錆ついて欠けた歯車達
残された時間は長くない
The halt of the clock's hands
would mean the end of that girl.
Those rusted-together, broken gears...
not much time is left.
孤独な男がその死の間際に作り上げた
森の奥の小さな映画館
館長を務めるのは彼が最も愛した
「ぜんまい仕掛けの人形」
覚悟は決めた
僕は自らの左胸に
そっと手を当て深く差しこんだ…
The preparations are settled.
Bringing my hand to my left breast,
I gently reach inward...
僕のぜんまいは時計塔の歯車と
響き合って そして新たに始まる物語
時計の針が止まらぬように
廻り続けるのが僕の役目
My own clockwork, and the gears of the clock tower,
ring in harmony... and a new story begins.
So that the hands of the clock never stop...
to see them revolve endlessly is my duty.
翻訳のノートはこちらです。コメントしたい場合にはそちらにコメントしてください。
Heartbeat/Clock Tower
ハートビート・クロックタワー
Lyrics/Composition/Arrangement: mothy (Evil P)
歌詞・作曲・編曲：mothy（悪ノP）
Vocal: Kaito
歌手：KAITO
Lyrics:
時計塔の歯車の音
それは彼女が生きている証
この秒針が止まらぬように
見守るのが「僕」の役目
The sound of the clock tower's gears
is proof that she lives on.
So that that second hand never stops...
to watch over it is my duty.
かつての主人 物欲の化身
自らの罪は いつの日か
おのれ自身を滅ぼすのだと
どうして早く気付けなかったか
Former master, avatar of greed,
for my sins, the day will come
when I destroy my very self.
Why could I not have noticed sooner?
彼女の半身に今も残る 醜い火傷の跡は
あの二人の思い出を刻んでる
Even now, across half her body, the ugly marks of those burns remain,
carved into those two's memories.
今日もまた 迷い込んだ
何も知らぬ哀れな訪問者
彼らもすぐ「墓場の主」の
胃袋に収まることだろう
Yet again they are lost,
pitiable visitors that know nothing.
They as well will soon find their place
amidst the master of the graveyard's domain.
主役気取りの あの「女の子」
いつも通りのわがまま三昧
「片割れ」を失ったさみしさ
少し顔に宿しながら
With her pretension of the leading role, that girl
is as always lost in her indulgence of pride.
The sadness of losing one of their own
shows ever so slightly on her face.
孤独な男がその死の間際に作り上げた
森の奥の小さな映画館
忘れ去られたその時に鳴り始めた
ぜんまい仕掛けの子守唄
On the verge of death, that lonely man built
a small movie theater amidst the woods.
Utterly forgotten by all, the clockwork lullaby
begins to ring out then...
「血染めの鋏」「紫色の刀」
いまだ目覚めぬ彼らを待つ日々
全ての唄が語られたときに
理想郷（ユートピア）は完成するらしい
"Bloodstained scissors", "violet blade"...
The as yet unawoken days for which they wait.
When the time comes that all songs are shared,
perhaps then the utopia will be complete...
時計の針が 止まることは
彼女自身の終わりを意味する
錆ついて欠けた歯車達
残された時間は長くない
The halt of the clock's hands
would mean the end of that girl.
Those rusted-together, broken gears...
not much time is left.
孤独な男がその死の間際に作り上げた
森の奥の小さな映画館
館長を務めるのは彼が最も愛した
「ぜんまい仕掛けの人形」
On the verge of death, that lonely man built
a small movie theater amidst the woods.
Employed as the director, his most beloved
"clockwork doll".覚悟は決めた
僕は自らの左胸に
そっと手を当て深く差しこんだ…
The preparations are settled.
Bringing my hand to my left breast,
I gently reach inward...
僕のぜんまいは時計塔の歯車と
響き合って そして新たに始まる物語
時計の針が止まらぬように
廻り続けるのが僕の役目
My own clockwork, and the gears of the clock tower,
ring in harmony... and a new story begins.
So that the hands of the clock never stop...
to see them revolve endlessly is my duty.
Translation Notes: Heartbeat/Clock Tower
As might be apparent by the fact that I'm translating Japanese works, I'm (generally) capable of dealing with both Japanese and English. Feel free to use either language in addressing concerns with the translation. Read the notes first, because I might have answered your question/comment already. Oh, and the following Japanese is merely this, repeated.
I suspect that will become a standard addition to my translation notes. I mean, my blog isn't exactly receiving a lot of traffic from Japan, but better to be prepared for it in any case. Moving on...
Anyone else going to Otakon 2011 this year? Because I am. Better yet, I plan on cosplaying. The fact that I'm mentioning this in this particular post should tell you who I plan on cosplaying as, but just to be clear: Kaito, one of the Vocaloids and the one singing this particular song.
That right there is really why I wanted to translate it - if I end up cosplaying as Kaito, I'm pretty much forced to go to the karaoke room and sing a few songs, right? It'd be nice to know what I'm singing when that time comes. Besides, I often end up valuing the lyrics and the message of a song more than its music, whether I end up singing along to it or not.
And so Heartbeat/Clock Tower now has a translation that I wrote. (I rather suspect it already had at least one translation, but I admit I did not bother looking for another one before writing mine.)
First, I suppose I should talk about the title. I'm sure I could have done "Heartbeat Clock Tower" without the slash, and I rather suspect that most (if not all) initial reactions to the Japanese ハートビート・クロックタワー would be for the latter, rather than the translation that I went with in the end. My own initial reaction certainly was.
There are, effectively, two reasons why I chose to ignore that first impression and add in the slash. First of all, "Clock Tower" is clearly two words, yet there was no need for a dot to separate those. In that sense, my addition of the slash serves as a way to justify the dot's presence in the title in the first place.
Second, the last stanza of the song. To me, the lyrics there imply a connection between the two halves of the title that's a little different from what "Heartbeat Clock Tower" would. In that case, "Heartbeat" could merely be the tower's name. The slash connects them in a slightly different manner, essentially, in a way that I think fits with the song slightly better.
Anyway, like the rest of the Evils Kingdom songs, there's a story here. As the last in the Evils Kingdom cycle, this song sets up the small movie theater in which this entire story is theoretically being told. For his sins, Kaito gets to be the one to do this... a task which in the end seems to claim his very life, leaving only the "clockwork doll" that runs the theater.
Some of the stanzas don't seem to fit so cleanly into that explanation of the song, especially 3, 5, and the first line of 7. Part of that has to do with the question of subject... this song is actually better than Japanese usually is in defining subjects (the "kanojo" throughout, the "houmonsha/karera" of 4, the "onna no ko" of 5, the "boku/onore" self-references throughout), but the constant use of pronouns doesn't tell me who any of these people actually are, and that's something that affects the translation.
The other people in the Evils Kingdom stories? Perhaps. Maybe when I start really bearing down on this CD and translate more of its connected material, I'll understand to a greater degree the references in this last song. Really, I should have done the rest before now, at least to the point of understanding basic ideas... if I had done so, I might not be confused now.
It is, of course, also possible that my entire interpretation of this song is off base. I think that to be somewhat unlikely (considering I'm posting what I do have to the Internet...) but given that I am not yet perfectly fluent in Japanese, the possibility does exist.
... Well, honestly I can't think of any other major issues that I wanted to talk about. And I suspect I've gone on long enough already. Feel free to bring up any problems or questions in the comments.
もちろん、僕は大体日本語が分かります。（翻訳できましたね！）ですから、コメントする時に、日本語を使ってもいいです。コメントか質問はもう答えた可能性があるから、コメントする前にこのノートを読んでください。（以上の英語は同じお知らせです。）
I suspect that will become a standard addition to my translation notes. I mean, my blog isn't exactly receiving a lot of traffic from Japan, but better to be prepared for it in any case. Moving on...
Anyone else going to Otakon 2011 this year? Because I am. Better yet, I plan on cosplaying. The fact that I'm mentioning this in this particular post should tell you who I plan on cosplaying as, but just to be clear: Kaito, one of the Vocaloids and the one singing this particular song.
That right there is really why I wanted to translate it - if I end up cosplaying as Kaito, I'm pretty much forced to go to the karaoke room and sing a few songs, right? It'd be nice to know what I'm singing when that time comes. Besides, I often end up valuing the lyrics and the message of a song more than its music, whether I end up singing along to it or not.
And so Heartbeat/Clock Tower now has a translation that I wrote. (I rather suspect it already had at least one translation, but I admit I did not bother looking for another one before writing mine.)
First, I suppose I should talk about the title. I'm sure I could have done "Heartbeat Clock Tower" without the slash, and I rather suspect that most (if not all) initial reactions to the Japanese ハートビート・クロックタワー would be for the latter, rather than the translation that I went with in the end. My own initial reaction certainly was.
There are, effectively, two reasons why I chose to ignore that first impression and add in the slash. First of all, "Clock Tower" is clearly two words, yet there was no need for a dot to separate those. In that sense, my addition of the slash serves as a way to justify the dot's presence in the title in the first place.
Second, the last stanza of the song. To me, the lyrics there imply a connection between the two halves of the title that's a little different from what "Heartbeat Clock Tower" would. In that case, "Heartbeat" could merely be the tower's name. The slash connects them in a slightly different manner, essentially, in a way that I think fits with the song slightly better.
Anyway, like the rest of the Evils Kingdom songs, there's a story here. As the last in the Evils Kingdom cycle, this song sets up the small movie theater in which this entire story is theoretically being told. For his sins, Kaito gets to be the one to do this... a task which in the end seems to claim his very life, leaving only the "clockwork doll" that runs the theater.
Some of the stanzas don't seem to fit so cleanly into that explanation of the song, especially 3, 5, and the first line of 7. Part of that has to do with the question of subject... this song is actually better than Japanese usually is in defining subjects (the "kanojo" throughout, the "houmonsha/karera" of 4, the "onna no ko" of 5, the "boku/onore" self-references throughout), but the constant use of pronouns doesn't tell me who any of these people actually are, and that's something that affects the translation.
The other people in the Evils Kingdom stories? Perhaps. Maybe when I start really bearing down on this CD and translate more of its connected material, I'll understand to a greater degree the references in this last song. Really, I should have done the rest before now, at least to the point of understanding basic ideas... if I had done so, I might not be confused now.
It is, of course, also possible that my entire interpretation of this song is off base. I think that to be somewhat unlikely (considering I'm posting what I do have to the Internet...) but given that I am not yet perfectly fluent in Japanese, the possibility does exist.
... Well, honestly I can't think of any other major issues that I wanted to talk about. And I suspect I've gone on long enough already. Feel free to bring up any problems or questions in the comments.
2011-06-06
Translation Notes: Daughter of Evil
Original translation here.
Okay, I suppose I should just up and say it: I am really dissatisfied with this particular translation of mine.
悪の娘 (read as Aku no Musume) is probably one of Rin Kagamine's most well known songs, and it's definitely up there as far as my favorite Vocaloids music is concerned. Or just favorite music, period. The lyrics tell a story of Rin Kagamine in her alter ego as a princess of an evil kingdom, from her unjust rule to Kaito falling in love with Miku and the war that resulted from her jealousy.
And that's really the problem with my translation: I translated it as a story, really. I'm reasonably confident that the translation is free of major errors... although, no promises on verses 7 and 8 (discounting spoken lines and the chorus, which repeats twice before the 7th verse arrives); I'm not certain that those are perfectly translated. Still, even the translation I have does communicate some idea of what the lyrics are saying.
But for this, I feel it's insufficient. I read my translation back to myself, and realized that any sense of the actual song has simply vanished. I was originally motivated to do this when I saw a translation that I felt focused too much on the lyrical aspect (enforced an ABAB rhyme scheme, added in and/or took out major details to help maintain it), but surely taking that aspect out entirely shouldn't be the goal here.
Unfortunately, I don't know how best to fix the problem. Some kind of meter restriction may be in order, perhaps? While I can certainly read music and even reproduce it to a limited extent, I have no experience at all with songwriting, and I feel like that's the skill set that I could use right about now. So as much as I want to do a rewrite of this translation, until I figure out a decent way to account for the "song" part of it, not much is going to happen.
Okay, I suppose I should just up and say it: I am really dissatisfied with this particular translation of mine.
悪の娘 (read as Aku no Musume) is probably one of Rin Kagamine's most well known songs, and it's definitely up there as far as my favorite Vocaloids music is concerned. Or just favorite music, period. The lyrics tell a story of Rin Kagamine in her alter ego as a princess of an evil kingdom, from her unjust rule to Kaito falling in love with Miku and the war that resulted from her jealousy.
And that's really the problem with my translation: I translated it as a story, really. I'm reasonably confident that the translation is free of major errors... although, no promises on verses 7 and 8 (discounting spoken lines and the chorus, which repeats twice before the 7th verse arrives); I'm not certain that those are perfectly translated. Still, even the translation I have does communicate some idea of what the lyrics are saying.
But for this, I feel it's insufficient. I read my translation back to myself, and realized that any sense of the actual song has simply vanished. I was originally motivated to do this when I saw a translation that I felt focused too much on the lyrical aspect (enforced an ABAB rhyme scheme, added in and/or took out major details to help maintain it), but surely taking that aspect out entirely shouldn't be the goal here.
Unfortunately, I don't know how best to fix the problem. Some kind of meter restriction may be in order, perhaps? While I can certainly read music and even reproduce it to a limited extent, I have no experience at all with songwriting, and I feel like that's the skill set that I could use right about now. So as much as I want to do a rewrite of this translation, until I figure out a decent way to account for the "song" part of it, not much is going to happen.
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